“I sat there and watched”
As I was dusting the granola bar crumbs from my bed, I hit the water bottle on the side of the bed and it shook like it was going to go down and I sat there and watched it even though I really didn’t want it to go down. I sat there and watched.
“something in me stops me from acting…”
What I got from this was I do that to people; I mistakenly shake’em away and you know, as they’re deciding whether or not to stay I do nothing, even though I really really want them to stay. I do nothing because something in me stops me from acting and I just watch.
“[the memories] run past my mind everyday like clockwork…”
Quite a number of you I wish I had held on to, and acted. But now all I have is the memories of our times, they run past my mind everyday like clockwork. I see, smell, hear, feel something and I remember one or two of you and the fun we had and I still don’t cry or feel awfully sad, I move on.
“I’ve got to be new”
Because somehow my life has been conditioned this way. I miss you terribly much but I can’t say because it goes against everything I’m trying to be..and please don’t ask me what I’m trying to be because I dont know but it’s definitely not what I’ve been in the past. I’m going to begin anew even if it means complete desensitization.
I’ve got to be new.